One of my private violin students asked me to fill out a set of questions – kind of like an interview – about college, application information, why I picked ASU, etc. I was glad to do it, but as I typed my answers to her questions, a kind of sadness came over me. Not because because I want to go back or long for the days of homework, but because it hurt to think about it. Without dumping my problems where they don’t belong or delving into all of the details and personal frustrations that made those years what they were, I will just say that I’m so glad I pushed through. I’m so glad that every time I got frustrated and wanted to just stop or do something else, I knew that I couldn’t and wouldn’t, because for whatever reason, that was what I needed to do. I knew it. I knew that Heavenly Father would help me understand how it would all work out in the end. Those years were times of great learning, frustrations, growth, and just experiencing life and trying to figure out how to it all worked. The worst part was that I felt like the people who I wanted the most help from had very little idea of what I was experiencing.
After I graduated, when I started working, it all kind of started again. I had no idea where I wanted to work, and somehow I ended up where I am now. And again, I experienced great sadness and frustration at the beginning – all by myself, in a new place. And again, the people that I wanted the most help from had never been where I was, in terms of my situation and circumstances. Countless phone calls home, crying about this and that and everything in between. But every time I tried to think of a different scenario I could put myself in – living somewhere else, doing something else – nothing worked. I knew that no matter how much I disliked it and how unhappy I was, for whatever reason I was unhappy, that this is where I was supposed to be. As I look back on my experiences, I can see know how I have grown, how my experiences have created who I am, how they have made me a better Jessica. And, very importantly, I can see how my faith has grown, and how now, when I experience something, whatever it may be – an experience or a feeling – I know that I can and will make it through just fine. Because I have a Heavenly Father who loves me, and has helped me in the past, and he will continue to do so.
I still have MANY things that I need to be better at, learn, and experience, and I know that this is only the beginning of my path of progression in my life and over the course of my eternal existence. But I know that no matter what, I can do it, I can make it through. And just like now, I will be able to look back at those harder times, and see how it all worked out.
How has it worked out? Well, I really enjoy my job now, I like where I live, I feel like things are going pretty good. The bottom line: I feel like I’ve finally made it to being a fairly well adjusted, got-it-somewhat-together, I-can-take-care-of-myself adult. And I like it. Not that I wasn’t these things before, or that I was ever not focused, or that I’ve spent my life in misery – cause that is not true at all. Just that where I am is a probably the most positive mental place I’ve been within the last ___ years. Socially, it’s better than ever, but it needs to get a lot better. Spiritually, I’m seriously starting to consider and prepare to go to the Temple – but I do need to dedicate myself more to my personal study. Physically, on my way to being my best.
That’s all. for now. Hope you are well. Keep on keepin’ on.
